Home Warning: The iPhone 6 May Yank That Hipster Beard Right Off Your Face

Warning: The iPhone 6 May Yank That Hipster Beard Right Off Your Face

We knew Apple’s iPhone 6 can do some new tricks, such as tracking our health, paying for stuff and controlling our smart homes. But who knew it also offered a depilation mode? 

Certainly not those well-follicled customers inadvertently shorn by their bigger, badder Apple smartphones. The beard-burgling tendencies of those devices—not-so-affectionately dubbed #beardgate or #hairgate—may give the #bendgate controversy a run for its money. 

While bending hardware may hurt people’s wallets, hairgate seems to actually hurt people. (Unless you’re afflicted with trichotillomania. In that case, congratulations—looks like you just found your new smartphone.)

“Bendgate,” with its supposed nine complaints, still has some deniers, but it’s harder to dismiss iPhone-tweezing. After all, not everyone tries to shove a big phone into their back pocket, but most people do have hair somewhere on their heads. 

See also: T-Mobile CEO Calls iPhone Bendgate “Utter Horse Sh–”

So apparently the iPhone 6 decided to help tame those manes and lumberjacks. There’s a space between the aluminum body and glass display, and that gap grabs at hairs when you hold the gadget up to your face. Some users find that the niche at the protruding rear camera also likes to have a go at the old goldilocks.

Of course, Android users note that they’ve had hair-plucking long before the iPhone 6 decided to get in the game, judging by the comments at 9to5Mac. Maybe so, but it took Apple to perfect hair removal, making it so easy to use, most people don’t even realize they’re in whisker-pulling mode until it’s too late.

Critics may soak in Schadenfreude now that the iPhone is barbering the beards of its hipster habitués. But the iPhone 6 plays no favorites among genders. An equal opportunity scalper, the iPhone will tug at tresses and pilfer ponytails every bit as eagerly as it snags sideburns and grabs at goatees. (Who knows? It could even oppress the omnibang.)

Steve Jobs, the bearded Apple co-founder known for his obsessive attention to detail, would have been horrified to learn that his baby was whacking whiskers. Then again, maybe he would’ve just told people they were shaving wrong. 

Of course, “hairgate” isn’t entirely surprising—at least not when you see the clean-shaven executive team currently leading Apple.

Be careful, Angela. Those locks are lovely, but for goodness sake, wear a hat when you make calls, OK?

The only one with even the slightest bit of scruff is design chief Jony Ive. He’s probably growing it out for a video, so he can talk earnestly and reverently about how the iPhone 6 is the most beautiful depilatory device in the world. 

Apple has laid waste to numerous industries over the years. Now, perhaps razors and tweezers will join the fallen—which would cement the iPhone’s place as the most disruptive technology in hair management since the Flowbee

Lead photo and Apple screenshots by Adriana Lee for ReadWrite

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