Smartphones and tablets can do some amazing things. You can track your exercise, organize your life, play amazing games and reach any media you would ever want to find. The Apple App Store and Android’s Google Play can be home to some odd stuff, too. Really odd stuff.

Bowel Mover Pro — ($0.99 iPhone/iPad)

Aficionados of the long-running sitcom Scrubs will know this one essential fact: Everything comes down to poo. Really. Tracking your bowel movements is apparently a great way to monitor your health on a day-to-day basis. This app will help you track what you ate and how it turned into a bowel movement, with your stress level and the amount of fiber, and water, in your diet – really, every ingredient that makes for poo. Email your charts to your doctor or… yeah, let’s just keep it with your doctor. Bonus feature: Tweet your poo to your friends.

TapThat — ($1.69 Android)

This falls into the “you’ve got to be kidding me” realm. This app has the ability to get your phone to fornicate with another NFC-enabled Android device running Gingerbread or Ice Cream Sandwich. There is really not much we can do to explain that, so watch the publisher’s slightly NSFW video below. Thanks to Twitter follower Michael Nicholas for sending this one in.

Bush Shoot-Out (Free Android)

As the Google Play description so helpfully points out, this is a shooting game. But it is not your normal Doom-style first-person shooter. This is more like a bad 1990s quarter-arcade shooter. You are President George H. W. Bush and the White House has been infiltrated by bad guys. An assault rifle pops out of the desk in the Oval Office and you start shooting down bad guys like you were a Duck Hunt pro. It is hard to tell if this game is mocking Bush or turning him into a hero. Either way, for a shooting game, it is not that bad.

Demotivational Pics+ — (Free iPhone/iPad)

The crazy-picture-with-bad-caption meme is way out of control. It has been for years, really. And here we are, in app form. Demotivational Pics+ takes this to an extreme by providing daily pictures accompanied by bad captions, with the idea of making you feel pretty much terrible about everything. That is, if you are not – how does it go? – rolling on the floor laughing?

Nose Candy — ($1.99 Android)

Also apparently known as the Charlie Sheen App. There are certain things that fly on Android that Apple and its App Store guidelines would never, ever approve. This would probably be Example A. The concept is simple. Cut up a bunch of fake cocaine and pretend to sniff it. There are five levels of difficulty and the phone vibrates when you reach the appropriate level of intoxication.

Geico BroStache — (Free iPhone)

No list of weird things would be complete without an entry from Geico. The App Store description says, “Just like the GEICO commercial, now you too can do dumb things with your smartphone!” Boy, can you ever. There are seven BroStaches to choose from. Put the smartphone to your lips and it will follow your words along with your ridiculous BroStache.

Game for Cats — (Free iPad)

This app proudly proclaims itself to be, “the first interspecies game on the App Store.” Sure, we can get behind that. The game starts with two levels: a laser pointer that your cat can chase around the screen, and a mouse. You will need to pay $1.99 to fully unlock the mouse level (the upgrade comes with a free butterfly level.) You can also purchase and upgrade to move the laser pointer on the iPad with your iPhone (otherwise it moves automatically). Once your cat catches the laser pointer dot, mouse or butterfly, it accumulates points which you can share with a leader board or on Facebook and Twitter. Brilliant.

Do you have a weird app that you love for your iPhone or Android? There has to be thousands out there that we would never have time to investigate. Let us know in the comments.